It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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