is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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