What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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