i was born a porn star she said
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
