So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
