i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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