I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
