I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
