I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
