Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
