Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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