he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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