i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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