so that wasnt chicken after all
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
