It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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