I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Still dying that you shit outside
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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