Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
