his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
