i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
