we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
