I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
