why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
