I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
