I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize