I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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