You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
