my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
