Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize
