i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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