Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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