The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
