He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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