I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
