are you still at the devil's house?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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