I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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