i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
