It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two words...techno handjob
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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