so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
