Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sext me about skeletons
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
