I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
