Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
