forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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