Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
