do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
