oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
