Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
