I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
