he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
