Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were destined to go to rehab together
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
