omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
