I love black thongs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
